The conversation. While some dread the-birds-and-the-bees talk with their kids, adult children dread the what-happens-when-you-get-sick talk with their parents. The fact is that the time to work out elder care solutions is now, not when mom is lying ill in a hospital bed.

When it’s time to talk about caring for aging parents, whether it’s an intimate chat with mom or a full-fledged family meeting, here are the things you’ll need to get from your parents.

1. Personal information – When caring for aging parents, be sure you can find critical personal information. Does mom keep her birth certificate in a fireproof safe? Has Dad squirreled away his military records in a safety deposit box? Make sure you know where you can find these items.

2. Power of Attorney – Be sure that your parents’ power of attorney documents are created or current. These documents appoint another person to make financial and legal decisions for your parent, and is necessary if they become mentally incapable because of age, accident or illness.

3. Financial information – Part of your elder care solution should be finding out where your loved one keeps financial information. In case of an emergency, you or another family member may need access to bank account information, credit card accounts, and utility accounts.

4. Lifestyle wishes – Perhaps your dad is seriously opposed to living in a nursing facility. Maybe your mother-in-law would rather be in a community of seniors than living alone. Ask your parent what kind of living situation they’d like to consider in the event they become too ill or frail to live independently. Caring for aging parents includes working closely with them to ensure they live a lifestyle they’ll enjoy.

5. Funeral arrangement details – Has mom prepaid for a cemetery plot? Does dad want to be buried in his favorite sports jersey? Caring for aging parents includes discussing their wishes regarding funeral arrangements and services.

6. Contact information – If you’re caring for aging parents, keep a list of who to contact in case of an emergency. The list should include their doctors and specialists as well as, if necessary, prayer chains and close friends. You may also need phone numbers for services involved with your elder care solutions, such as home health services or a meal delivery service.

7. Pet care information – If Grammy dies, who will take care of her sock-chewing, midnight-barking cock-a-poo? When caring for aging parents with pets, make sure he or she makes arrangements for pet care while they are sick or unable to care for them.

8. Important documents – Effective elder care solutions include knowing where the seniors in your life keep documents such as a medical power of attorney, a living will, and a will. If they don’t have these important papers, encourage them to consider having them drawn up. A legal professional can help you and your loved one understand these documents as well as help your parent file them.

It’s easy to talk about the last play of that great football game or how Aunt Meg looked like a pumpkin in that awful orange dress; it’s harder to talk with a loved one about what should happen in the event of their sudden illness or death. Although it’s a conversation no adult child wants to have, it’s a must-have if you’re caring for aging parents.

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Opal Rowe is founder of Nowhere Like Home, one of the most active and respected home care service providers in the Greater Toronto Area. Nowhere Like Home takes the complexity out of home care, and makes the transition easy, convenient and flexible for seniors and their family. Contact Opal TODAY to get a no-cost evaluation of your senior-care needs.

An elderly friend of mine had some severe health concerns a few years ago.She admitted to me that she recognized she was in trouble, but she was concerned that if she admitted this to her children, she might end up losing her independence.

She expressed her anger at her situation, because she had always taken good care of herself. I asked her if she felt like she was starting down a “slippery slope.” “Yes, very much,” she replied.

How can you tell when your parent or friend needs help?

As we age, our physical capabilities, body functioning abilities and mental abilities change. Many people compensate for these changes by developing coping strategies that help them to continue to feel in control. For example, many older people, due to deteriorating eyesight, don’t drive their cars after dusk. However, a parent who shows signs of lessening confidence can indicate that they are starting on a slippery slope. For instance, when your parent is refusing to go to activities she once enjoyed or she isn’t taking care of herself, it may be time for you to get concerned. If your parent seems more confused or forgetful, be attentive to what may be happening.

Sometimes, we see changes happen very quickly. Perhaps the last time you saw your parent, she was managing quite well. This week, you discover she seems quite confused, or she remarks that she got lost going to a place that she has been many times. She may also seem to be having a great deal of difficulty remembering people she has known for a long time. (I remember my father-in-law not recognizing the daughter of an old friend whom he hadn’t seen for a year but whom he had known very well.)

If you notice a sudden change, follow up; it may be reversible if treated immediately. A change can be caused by such things as depression, medication interactions, changes in sleep patterns, eating leftover food that has been in the fridge for weeks, or increased isolation after a spouse dies or goes to a long-term-care facility.

Why is your elder reluctant to share health news or information with you? We live in a society that values independence and choice. Just because we are aging doesn’t mean that the value we place on these two things changes. As long as we are mentally competent, we have the right to make our own decisions—whether those decisions are good, bad or indifferent.

Most people are used to having and want to have control of their own lives. Having control makes us feel strong and independent and gives us a sense of mastery that is important to our self-esteem and emotional wellness. Our sense of pride, which comes from caring for ourselves, can diminish severely when we have to turn to others for assistance.

It is a very human response for aging adults to fear both the increased loss of their independence and the interference by their children. We expect this behaviour in teens who believe that they have the answers and who don’t want their parents to interfere. Our aging parent has felt that he has had the answers for many years. Why should he want someone else—especially his younger children—to interfere? Because dad feels as if he is losing control of his own life, he is far more likely to perceive others to be taking control.

Remember, relationships with family members are loaded with biases, emotional history and ways of managing relationships. As a result, it can be difficult for your parent to allow you to help or even let you see that part of him. It can also be very uncomfortable for you as an adult child to experience your parent’s vulnerabilities and to respond as an adult rather than as a child.

Sixty-seven per cent of those making changes believe they’ll be able to stay in their homes 10 years longer because of the changes. Source: AARP

When should you intervene? Often, when elderly adults start to get into trouble, a family will notice increased trips to the hospital or receive calls about falls that their parent has had. They may also receive phone calls from a neighbour or friend indicating their own concerns. Either of these situations can be the first signs that things are not going well.

A family member needs to intervene when she or he sees a parent acting in a way that is not normal, when a parent doesn’t seem to be coping as usual, or when behaviours don’t fit with the required action.

Getting a parent to open up depends on how fearful she is of the consequences and how able she is to recognize the implications of her behaviour. It is vital to show your parent that you are not there to take away her rights. You simply want to support her to remain in her own home with a good quality of life. It may take several conversations over a long period of time before you and your parent understand that you are both on the same page. It has taken time for your caregiving situation to develop; it will take as long or longer to resolve it.

When should you let a parent live at risk? I believe that every individual lives at risk at times. We all make decisions that other people question or even suggest that we do differently. As long as any individual is competent, we need to allow that person to make her own decisions. We may help by providing our parents with resources such as information or telephone contacts, but we really can’t change what they choose to do with these resources.

If we examine the implications of a risk, we may see things differently. For instance, a parent who moves to a long-term care facility may still fall. Living in her own home may mean she is alone when she falls; however, if she has a device such as Life Line on her wrist or around her neck, she can quickly get help. As well, she will continue to enjoy living in her own home with all its memories and familiarity.

If an individual can make his own decisions and chooses to live at risk in the last years of his life, why should you intervene? Whose peace of mind are you really worrying about? Is it yours or is it your elderly parent’s? Why not encourage your parent to use the resources that can support him in his own home. Also, a gift of your time given on a regular basis can both support your parent in his own home and give you the opportunity to assess just how well he is managing.

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Opal Rowe is founder of Nowhere Like Home, one of the most active and respected home care service providers in the Greater Toronto Area. Nowhere Like Home takes the complexity out of home care, and makes the transition easy, convenient and flexible for seniors and their family. Contact Opal TODAY to get a no-cost evaluation of your senior-care needs.

TORONTO — Retirement homes in Ontario would face licensing and regulation for the first time under proposed legislation, the government said Tuesday.

Regulations would enforce care and safety standards, mandate emergency plans and inflection-control programs as well as police background checks for staff.

Residents of retirement homes would also get a new set of rights, including the right to know the true cost of care and the right to live in an environment with zero tolerance for abuse or neglect.

“Many retirement homes do their very best to give their residents the comfort of knowing that they’re living in a safe environment; other retirement-home residents are not so lucky,” Gerry Phillips, the minister responsible for seniors, said in introducing the bill Tuesday.

“Imagine not having the information you need to make decisions about your own care, imagine not having any recourse for making your home better and no one to talk to when your rights are not respected.”

The bill defines a retirement home as one where at least six unrelated residents, primarily aged 65 and over, purchase accommodation and care.

Unlike Ontario nursing homes, which receive government funding to provide medical care to elderly patients, retirement homes are privately operated and are not regulated.

Progressive Conservative critic Gerry Martiniuk said the bill didn’t go far enough to meet the needs of seniors who really need more long-term care beds.

“My fear is that by regulating retirement homes, seniors will be moved from hospitals to these homes, where the level of care they require may not be available,” Martiniuk said.

“Regulating retirement homes may be a good idea, but it totally ignores the real problem, and it’s the cheap way of getting patients out of hospitals.”

The lack of nursing home beds in Ontario was thrown into sharp relief recently when Ottawa’s chief coroner reported that the lower level of care offered at a retirement home contributed to the death of a 92-year-old woman.

The woman had moved out of hospital and into a retirement home while waiting for a bed to open at a nursing home.

NDP critic Paul Miller said he was happy to see some administrative changes and higher scrutiny in the bill, but said the key issue of mandatory sprinkler systems shouldn’t have been ignored.

“This government needs to finally step up to the plate for seniors and ensure that funding for retirement homes in Ontario be fully equipped with operational sprinkler system,” Miller said.

There are an estimated 43,000 seniors living in about 700 retirement homes across Ontario.

Phillips said recently that Ontario’s rapidly aging population had spurred the government to regulate retirement homes.

Recent estimates project the seniors population in Ontario will double in the next 16 years.

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Opal Rowe is founder of Nowhere Like Home, one of the most active and respected home care service providers in the Greater Toronto Area. Nowhere Like Home takes the complexity out of home care, and makes the transition easy, convenient and flexible for seniors and their family. Contact Opal TODAY to get a no-cost evaluation of your senior-care needs.

More workplaces – particularly those involved with health care – are adopting a scent-free or scent-reduced policy. That means staff and visitors are asked to not wear perfume, fragrance or scented products at work. Cutting out fragrances not only improves indoor air quality, but also dramatically reduces adverse health reactions to perfumes and fragrances.

To learn more about this topic, please check out the full article and look for other reliable articles on women’s health information at www.WomensHealthMatters.ca

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Opal Rowe is founder of Nowhere Like Home, one of the most active and respected home care service providers in the Greater Toronto Area. Nowhere Like Home takes the complexity out of home care, and makes the transition easy, convenient and flexible for seniors and their family. Contact Opal TODAY to get a no-cost evaluation of your senior-care needs.

- Opal Rowe
Nowhere Like Home

With this Easter weekend coming up, I wanted to pass along to you the following Easter Egg Story I recently came across. The story was so touching that it had a long list of recipients who had been forwarding it with a request to keep this stirring story circulating.

Jeremy was born with a twisted body, a slow mind and a chronic, terminal illness that had been slowly killing him all his young life. Still, his parents had tried to give him as normal a life as possible and had sent him to St. Theresa’s elementary school. At the age of 12, Jeremy was only in second grade, seemingly unable to learn.

His teacher, Doris Miller, often became exasperated with him.  He would squirm in his seat, drool and make grunting noises. At other times, he spoke clearly and distinctly, as if a spot of light had penetrated the darkness of his brain. Most of the time, however, Jeremy irritated his teacher.

One day, she called his parents and asked them to come to St. Teresa’s for a consultation. As the Foresters sat quietly in the empty classroom, Doris said to them, “Jeremy really belongs in a special school.  It isn’t fair to him to be with younger children who don’t have learning problems. Why, there is a five-year gap between his age and that of the other students!” Mrs. Forrester cried softly into a tissue while her husband spoke. “Miss Miller,” he said, “there is no school of that kind nearby.  It would be a terrible shock for Jeremy if we had to take him out of this school. We know he really likes it here.”

Doris sat for a long time after they left, staring at the snow outside the window.  Its coldness seemed to seep into her soul.  She wanted to sympathize with the Foresters.  After all, their only child had a terminal illness.  But it wasn’t fair to keep him in her class. She had 18 other youngsters to teach and Jeremy was a distraction. Furthermore, he would never learn to read or write.  Why spend any more time trying? As she pondered the situation, guilt washed over her. “Oh God,” she said aloud, “here I am complaining when my problems are nothing compared with that poor family!  Please help me to be more patient with Jeremy.” From that day on, she tried hard to ignore Jeremy ‘s noises and his blank stares.

Then one day he limped to her desk, dragging his bad leg behind him.  “I love you, Miss Miller,” he exclaimed, loudly enough for the whole class to hear.  The other children snickered, and Doris’s face turned red.  She stammered, “wh-why, that’s very nice, Jeremy.  Now please take your seat.”

Spring came, and the children talked excitedly about the coming of Easter. Doris told them the story of Jesus, and then to emphasize the idea of new life springing forth, she gave each of the children a large plastic egg. “Now,” she said to them “I want you to take this home and bring it back tomorrow with something inside that shows new life.  Do you understand?”

“Yes, Miss Miller!” The children responded enthusiastically – all except for Jeremy.  He just listened intently; his eyes never left her face. He did not even make his usual noises. Had he understood what she had said about Jesus’ death and resurrection?  Did he understand the assignment? Perhaps she should call his parents and explain the project to them.

That evening, Doris’ kitchen sink stopped up.  She called the landlord and waited an hour for him to come by and unclog it.  After that, she still had to shop for groceries, iron a blouse and prepare a vocabulary test for the next day. She completely forgot about phoning Jeremy ‘s parents.

The next morning, 19 children came to school, laughing and talking as they placed their eggs in the large wicker basket on Miss Miller’s desk. After they completed their math lesson, it was time to open the eggs. In the first egg, Doris found a flower. “Oh yes, a flower is certainly a sign of new life,” she said.  “When plants peek through the ground we know that spring is here. “A  small girl in the first row waved her arms. “That’s my egg, Miss Miller,” she called out.  The next egg contained a plastic butterfly, which looked very real.  Doris held it up.  “We all know that a caterpillar changes and turns into a beautiful butterfly.  Yes, that is new life, too” little Judy smiled proudly and said, “Miss Miller, that one is mine.”

Next Doris found a rock with moss on it.  She explained that the moss, too, showed life.  Billy spoke up from the back of the classroom.  “My daddy helped me!”  He beamed.  Then Doris opened the fourth egg.  She gasped. The egg was empty!  Surely it  must be Jeremy ‘s, she thought, and, of course, he did not understand her instructions.  If only she had not forgotten to phone his parents. Because she did not want to embarrass him, she quietly set the egg aside and reached for another.

Suddenly Jeremy spoke up. “Miss Miller, aren’t you going to talk about my egg?” Flustered, Doris replied, “but Jeremy  – your egg is empty!”  He looked into her eyes and said softly, “yes, but Jesus’ tomb was empty too!”  Time stopped.  When she could speak again.  Doris asked him, “Do you know why the tomb was empty?”  “Oh yes!” Jeremy exclaimed.  “Jesus was killed and put in there.  Then his Father raised him up!”  The recess bell rang.  While the children excitedly ran out to the school yard, Doris cried. The cold inside her melted completely away.

Three months later Jeremy died.  Those who paid their respects at the mortuary were surprised to see 19 eggs on top of his casket, ……………….all of them empty.

If this wonderful story has touched you, pass it on.  Take care and treasure the times with those you love…

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Opal Rowe is founder of Nowhere Like Home, one of the most active and respected home care service providers in the Greater Toronto Area. Nowhere Like Home takes the complexity out of home care, and makes the transition easy, convenient and flexible for seniors and their family. Contact Opal TODAY to get a no-cost evaluation of your senior-care needs.

- Opal Rowe
Nowhere Like Home

Aging is inevitable. Everyday, bit-by-bit, we get older.

Fortunately, most of the changes go unnoticed until, all of a sudden, we realize we are not as young as we used to be. For some people this realization comes with the first grey hair or onset of wrinkles. For others, it is the decrease in hearing or the sudden dependence on reading glasses.

Whatever the sign, most people accept and even joke about the physical changes associated with aging. This is not so, however, for cognitive aging. Changes in the way we think, remember and speak are taboo subjects, are not discussed and are certainly not joked about. But is this fair? Our brain works very hard for us. Isn’t it allowed, like all other organs, to get tired, and old, and work a little less efficiently?

Yes it is! And instead of denying cognitive aging, instead of covering up our cognitive blunders and hiding them to avoid embarrassment, we need to accept the notion of cognitive aging. We need to better understand what cognitive aging is and learn to communicate our concerns to family members, friends or our doctor.

Research has identified the following common cognitive changes associated with aging: processing speed slows down, encoding information in deep and meaningful ways takes more effort and, divided attention tasks are more difficult.

What does that mean? In a nutshell, aging can cause us to think a little slower, remember a little less, and get a little muddled when we do more than one thing at a time. Surprised? I hope not. After all, compared to when we were younger, most of us run a little slower, bend a little less, and lose our breath going up stairs.

Just as some people age physically at different rates, people age cognitively at different rates too. While one person may have difficulty remembering names, another may forget what they had for lunch, not sure what the date is or get a little lost or confused on the way home from the grocery store. So how do you know if your cognitive aging is normal or not?

Comparing notes and openly communicating with peers and family members is an excellent way to gauge just how serious your ‘slips’ may be. And in the event you feel the changes you are experiencing are not the norm, please, speak to your doctor. There are many different causes for cognitive change, some simple and some more complex. Often these are curable or treatable.

Be ‘head’ strong. Play a proactive role in your aging. Stay mentally and physically active. Learn and practice strategies and techniques for cognitive enhancement. Talk about the changes; don’t hide them.

Just as you might decide to get a hearing aid, new reading glasses, cover up grey hair or apply daily anti-wrinkle cream, please accept the notion of cognitive aging and seek out solutions to help combat it.

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Opal Rowe is founder of Nowhere Like Home, one of the most active and respected home care service providers in the Greater Toronto Area. Nowhere Like Home takes the complexity out of home care, and makes the transition easy, convenient and flexible for seniors and their family.

- Opal Rowe
Nowhere Like Home

Are the roles reversing in your family? We’ve got some tips and resources to help.

It was funny when mother and daughter switched places in Disney’s Freaky Friday, but the real life role reversals facing the “sandwich generation” are no laughing matter. As their loved ones age, many baby boomers (along with some seniors and Gen X-ers) are supporting their mothers and fathers.

It’s called “parenting your parents” for a reason. Like parenting, this role has many facets such as personal shopper, chauffeur, caregiver, therapist, handyman, companion and personal assistant. Boomers work these responsibilities into already hectic schedules, alongside the demands of full-time employment, caring for their own children or grandchildren and their own health concerns. Statistics continue to show that the majority of these family caregivers are women, and they’re likely to be married and working full-time.

Unfortunately, the inter-personal aspects of this reversal aren’t simple… “In your parents’ eyes, you’re always their child no matter how old you are,” says Elaine, a caregiver for her 85 year old father. “Many of our parents’ generation didn’t have to care for aging parents, so this is something they haven’t experienced for themselves.”

Whether your parents live independently or have moved to an assisted living or long term care facility, caregiving can feel like uncharted waters. Here are some tips and resources to get started:

1) Set limits. It can feel like no amount of time or attention is enough. In order to maintain some balance (and sanity) in your own life, it may be necessary to set some boundaries. Figure out what you can contribute — both in terms of your time and finances — and stick to it. Be assertive about your own needs and the needs of those who also depend on you, otherwise the mounting sacrifices could damage relationships and lead to burnout.

“You aren’t Superman,” says Elaine. “You have to realize there isn’t time to do everything — and make peace with that.”

2) Hire help. You can’t do it all, but there are many tasks that someone can do for you — like hiring a cleaning lady to look after the housekeeping, or a yard maintenance company to mow the lawn. Many grocery stores and pharmacies deliver too. If you’re helping out someone with health issues or who has just had surgery, look into nursing care.

A home monitoring system can also provide peace of mind for caregivers, advises Elaine.

3) Work with your siblings. These days many family members aren’t close to home and one child may be bearing the brunt of the costs. That’s why it’s important to co-ordinate efforts among siblings to share responsibilities and costs, as applicable. Elaine recommends coming to an agreement with siblings, including a budget to cover any costs (especially if your parent is living with you). Make sure everyone understands what’s going on — and put it in writing.

4) Keep the lines of communication open. Boomers are willing to help — but their parents may be in denial about needing it, or are unwilling to ask for it, according to a recent survey. The second annual Living for Today — Ready for Tomorrow survey conducted by Ipsos Reid on behalf of Toronto-based Bayshore Home Health pointed out some major differences in expectations between aged parents and their adult children.

For instance, 73% of aging parents said they didn’t need help around the home, but only 43% of their adult children agreed this was the case. Almost 90% of parents didn’t want to be a burden, and 1/3 of children worried their parents would be too embarrassed to ask for help. As little as 5% of parents planned to ask their children for financial help during this economic crisis, despite the fact that 2/3 of boomers reported they’d be willing to offer it.

The results suggest that the desire to stay independent can keep seniors from asking for help. Keeping the lines of communication open can help ensure that parents feel comfortable discussing their needs and asking for help, and that boomers are aware of what’s going on.

5) Figure out the finances. Many parents want to keep their financial information and wills private, but this attitude can spell disaster for boomers who are helping their parents plan for the future. Will the money be there to cover medical care, home improvements or to support a move to a retirement home? Are the resources available to cope with a long term illness or disability? According to the Bayshore survey, one quarter of adult children don’t know key financial information — like what their parents’ annual income is.

Experts warn that it’s better to talk about money while there’s still plenty of time to put a plan into action, or to look into contingencies like long term care insurance.

6) Safety first. Not surprisingly, the Bayshore survey also found that many older people will do just about anything to stay in their own homes for as long as possible. However, only 43% of them have looked into ways to keep living independently, and only 40% have made modifications to their home to make it a safer environment and to prevent falls. The Public Health Agency of Canada (PHAC) recommends taking steps like ensuring areas are brightly lit, installing grab bars by the toilet and bathtub and rearranging cupboards so that the most commonly-used items are in easy reach. (See the complete list here.)

7) Plan ahead for living options. Don’t wait for a crisis like an accident, stroke or illness to happen to find out what programs and facilities are available. Seniors’ apartments and assisted living facilities that offer meals, assistance and nursing care can help parents maintain a level of independence while enjoying perks like planned activities and meeting new people. Many of these homes have long waiting lists, so it’s necessary to plan ahead.

In addition, the majority of boomers in the Bayshore survey said they’d be willing to have a parent move in with them — but such a move requires planning and some major changes. The time to start these conversations is before an event happens that necessitates a move.

8) Plan for emergencies. When someone depends on you, it’s only natural to include them in your emergency plans. What will happen if you have to take time off work to care for a parent? Will your emergency savings see you through a loved one’s illness or accident? In addition, you may need to figure out who will “step up to the plate” if you’re indisposed. Can a friend or family member help out? Are there programs in your community to provide care in an emergency?

Having a back-up plan can take a lot of the stress and worry out of emergencies, and make sure there’s consistent care available.

9) Take care of yourself too. Boomers may be willing to sacrifice a great deal for their families, but experts note that it’s important to take care of yourself too. Eating well, getting plenty of exercise and looking after your own needs mean you’ll be better able to care for someone else.

Whether you think you need it or not, take a break now and then to recharge and ward off burnout. Ask a friend or family member to help out with some of the chores or shopping. If you’re caring for an elderly parent in your home, arrange regular respite care to give yourself a rest now and then.

10) Find support. Caring for aging parents isn’t something everyone has experienced, so friends and family members may not understand the stresses and challenges involved. It can be a big comfort to find an ally in someone who is in the same position, like a friend, neighbour, or support group. Arrange time to chat, vent your frustrations and most importantly share information and strategies.

“It helps to have someone to talk to who is going through the same things you are,” Elaine says. “Not everyone understands.”

It’s never easy when a child takes on the role of parent. However, it’s the cooperation between aging parents and adult children that makes all the difference when it comes to leading longer, healthier and more independent lives.

Where to find help:

Here are two links for several resources to get you started:

Government Resources for Seniors

Toronto Business Resources for Seniors

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Opal Rowe is founder of Nowhere Like Home, one of the most active and respected home care service providers in the Greater Toronto Area. Nowhere Like Home takes the complexity out of home care, and makes the transition easy, convenient and flexible for seniors and their family.

- Opal Rowe
Nowhere Like Home

We received an amazing number of responses back, and so much so, that I decided to collect just a handful and post them here on our blog.

It was very difficult to pull out a select few from the 100+ responses we received! It’s very clear that our parents, grandparents and other influences have made a big impact on our lives. Thank you to everyone who posted, and please continue to add more here with your Comments below!

Words of Wisdom:

From my mother: “God only gives you what you can handle”.
I think of this often when I feel that I can take on one more thing,
physically or emotionally.
- Sharon W.

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Pay cash for everything except the house…
- Bruce H.

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“Eat everything on your plate. Children in China are starving.” Translation: “Be grateful for what you’ve got; there are others worse off than you.”
- Scott W.

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My grandmother who raised me always said “You can do anything you put your mind to.” She was right and I’ve never forgotten it. If doubt creeps in when I have a new idea I can hear her voice whispering those words in my ear.
- Yvonne B.

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My mother died at age 59 and one of the last pieces of advice she gave my wife was “Don’t wait for your turn, because it may never come.”

She and my Dad had spent a number of years thinking about the big trips they would take when he retired, but she never got to take them. As a result of her advice we have been much more active in visiting people and places we enjoy. One example, I flew to England from Toronto for 3 days to surprise my brother on his 50th birthday. It’s a long way to go, you need to do things to show your family how much you love them.

Cheers, and thanks for the question.
- Steve W.

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“Stay true to yourself, and do what you believe in.”

I have incorporated that into being a strong individual, confident in making choices.
- Frederik P.

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My father would sometimes tell me “A person without responsibility is like meat without salt, it rots”
- Rudy W.

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When I was looking for my biological parents/family my adoptive Dad said to me, ” You can never have too much family”. His support was greatly needed.
My adoptive dad came from a family of 9 brothers and 1 sister and he loved them all. I felt his statement to be true, I love ALL my family too.
- Tammie D.

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Here are two pieces of advice that I have never forgotten:
If it sounds too good to be true, it is.
No one ever went to their grave wishing they spent more time at the office.
- Susan E.

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One of my father’s favourite quotes was “Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks.” So true.
- Mitch W.

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“Show me your friends…and I’ll tell you who you are”
- Caroline G.

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Dad: “You don’t stop laughing when you die, you die when you stop laughing.”
- Ron H.

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Quietly, be kind with an open heart, without expecting anything in return.

What you put into life is what will return.
- Sylvia M.

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“The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift; that’s why they call it…“the present”
- Connie A.

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About marriage: “you can spend your lives making each other happy, or spend it making each other miserable – it takes the same amount of energy”
- Roger G.

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Don’t ever count on anybody else but yourself.
- Saskia W.

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If you can’t say something nice about someone don’t say anything at all!”
- Margie R.

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My dad was quite cryptic in his quotes – The longest one he ever said was, “Always remember that you are free to do anything you want, as long as you never say or do anything, that will put you in bad light to your own self. Because God is within you and the end of the rope is always with HIM.” It has been a good 2 decades since Dad passed away, but these words have shaped me up and stood by me, all through my life.
- Gomathi R.

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My folks live by example and have always had the philosophy, “If you can’t afford it, you can’t have it” always leading us to pay our way as we go, and save for that rainy day. It’s proven to be a wonderful way to live, with minimal debt and no fear of losing our home in this day and age, and managing to save a bit as we go.
- Sue B.

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Be good to people on the way up, because you might need them on the way down.
- Vivian B.

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My father taught me a very important lesson that has helped me throughout my life.

That is, when faced with adversity, either in our personal or professional lives, we have two choices; we can let the situation weaken us, or use it to make ourselves stronger. It is in our power to choose the latter.
- Kelly D.

Funny Words of Wisdom Comments:

If you can’t be good, be careful.
- Ken A.

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We grew up skiing every weekend. “Don’t Eat Yellow Snow” was her reminder!
- Kerry M.

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How about “If you fall and break your legs, don’t come running to me.”
- Cris S.

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If a frog had wings, he wouldn’t bump his behind.
- Sam K.

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“Be sure your underwear is clean in case you’re in an accident, ” was my mom’s favorite. Ironically, years later serving 26 years on the fire department, I enjoyed telling visiting school kids that among my duties on the scene of an emergency was checking for dirty underwear!
- Rick O.

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“You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose…but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.” Just kidding…
How ’bout this one:
“Figure out what you love to do most, and then find a way to make a living doing that.”
- Evan G.

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“Eat your broccoli”
- Tom B.

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Opal Rowe is founder of Nowhere Like Home, one of the most active and respected home care service providers in the Greater Toronto Area. Nowhere Like Home takes the complexity out of home care, and makes the transition easy, convenient and flexible for seniors and their family.

- Opal Rowe
Nowhere Like Home

McGuinty Government Redeveloping More Than 4,100 Long-Term Care Home Beds

Residents in long-term care homes can look forward to more modern and comfortable living as the province redevelops more than 4,100 beds across Ontario.

Ontario is rebuilding 4,183 existing beds and updating facilities at 37 long-term care homes. This is part of the government’s plan to redevelop 35,000 older beds over 10 years to help improve access to long-term care throughout the province.

The redeveloped homes will meet the most modern design standards and will feature greater wheelchair access for residents in private and public spaces. The redeveloped homes are expected to be completed as early as 2012.

This phase of the government’s renewal strategy will help create or sustain approximately 4,000 jobs in Ontario.

“It’s all about comfort and safety, and how important that is to residents and their families. I’m pleased we can redevelop our long-term care beds and give residents a higher quality of life in a more comfortable, home-like setting.”

– Deb Matthews
Minister of Health and Long-Term Care

QUICK FACT:

Since 2003, the government has redeveloped 8,032 new long-term care beds and will be opening an additional 1,942 more beds over the next few years.

Learn more at the Ministry of Health and Long-Term Care

This article is available for DOWNLOAD from our website.

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Opal Rowe is founder of Nowhere Like Home, one of the most active and respected home care service providers in the Greater Toronto Area. Nowhere Like Home takes the complexity out of home care, and makes the transition easy, convenient and flexible for seniors and their family.

- Opal Rowe
Nowhere Like Home

Rachel remembers her first experience with just such a legacy. “My mother-in-law was a wise woman. Although she wasn’t able to continue her education beyond high school, her understanding of people rivaled that of any psychologist. She raised my husband, a sickly boy, to be self-confident and to strive for the best. She gave all of her grandchildren unconditional love and support. And she never questioned my place in our family. But I think her wisdom was most valuable to all of the family after she learned that her cancer had metastasized.

Before she died, she had long private talks with each one of us, never shying away from the truth, even with her grandchildren. She wanted to leave a lasting personal legacy with every member of her family and a final expression of her love for each of us. I am still strengthened by the memory of my final talk with her, even today.”

What can you do to help create a legacy of meaning within your own family? To get started, here are some suggestions.

1. Spend quality time talking with your parents about the values that are important to them. Ask them specific questions about what ethics have guided them through the years. You probably know some of these answers from having observed them and their role modeling, but the conversations can be further enlightening. As Mimi cared for her mom when she was at the end stages of heart failure, they had long conversations deep into the night. Mimi grew to appreciate her mother as never before.

“I used to criticize her for being so frugal. I now realize she was afraid she wouldn’t have enough money to survive. I decided to use the small inheritance she managed to save for me in a way she would appreciate. I’ve opened college bank accounts for the children of my brother, who is struggling financially. I am proud that I can honor my mom in this way.”

2. Talk with your parents about their past and the stories of their lives. Their tales will become a part of how you remember them. Through you, the history of your parents will be preserved from generation to generation. Look through their old photographs and listen to the memories they evoke. Video tape these conversations to have a lasting visual and oral record of them. View these family photos and videos as a slice of life – a gift for the future to be enjoyed by your children and grandchildren.

Sarah loved seeing the pictures of her mother as a teenager, having fun with her friends at the beach. “Mom always worked so hard – she had two jobs when we were little – and I think it aged her tremendously. My children see her only as very old and infirm. When I show them pictures of her as a girl, full of energy and enthusiasm, she seems more real to them.”

3. Identify what you consider to be your parents’ personal strengths and talk with them about the strengths they remember in their own parents. Create a family strengths tree, focusing both on strengths that have been passed down and on those that are unique to each family member. You will have a concrete visual profile of your ancestors’ virtues to guide you and your children. Toby recalled the impact that her father’s character had on her.

“He taught me so much about how to be a good human being just by the way he treated everyone around him. I try to live up to his standard of morality every day in the way I live my life.”

4. Consult with books or Internet websites to help your parents create an ethical will. Your family will be enriched by their legacy – knowing what they believed in, their values and rituals, and how they lived their lives. Remaining emotionally open during this interactive process can help you better understand your parents as well as yourself and your own personal goals. Shortly before he died, Lynn and her father wrote down some of his thoughts and answers to the questions they had discussed.

Now when she feels troubled, she spends time rereading her journal. “Dad lived to age 92. He is always in my mind and I have the words we wrote together to ground me. He was the only one who could make me feel stronger, and I always think about the way he would want me to handle myself in difficult situations.” Going through the process with your aging parents may even give you a head start on thinking about your own ethical will. What values do you want to pass on to your children? How can you role model these for them today?

How can you live your life now as if these values really are important to you? How you answer these kinds of questions to yourself can help you create your own legacy of meaning for your children and grandchildren over the next decades.

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. are founders of http://www.HerMentorCenter.com, a website for midlife women and http://www.NourishingRelationships.Blogspot.com, a Blog for the Sandwich Generation.

They are authors of a forthcoming book about Baby Boomers and family relationships, and offer a free newsletter Stepping Stones.

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Opal Rowe is founder of Nowhere Like Home, one of the most active and respected home care service providers in the Greater Toronto Area. Nowhere Like Home takes the complexity out of home care, and makes the transition easy, convenient and flexible for seniors and their family.

- Opal Rowe
Nowhere Like Home

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This blog post is also available as an article for download from our website.